I certainly don't get paid for it ... that's why I'm a volunteer. Before I arrived in Paradisa, I was a theatre critic and an investigator ... and then for the last few years, it saw fit to send me to San Francisco, where I was an accordion instructor ... only, now I'm back here again. [he heaves a sigh. he'd liked being an accordion instructor]

But I'm glad to meet you, Garry, even under such distressing circumstances. My name is Lemony Snicket.